Out of the Mouths of Babes

I'm trying to catch up on the news online this morning and my almost 3 year old was sitting on my lap. He looked at this picture and said, "No one is singing." No honey, NO ONE is singing.

Just Because I Think It's Funny

Viewed my Analytics tonight for my blog. Someone came to my site when they Googled "stop peeing."

Stop peeing..... Now THAT should be my nickname.

On my own....

Until Thursday.

Should I paint the kitchen, do all our laundy, clean the garage, organize the attic and bathe the dogs.

or should I just catch up on season 2 of Rock of Love?

decisions decisions.

It Might Be Innocent, But...

In the lines of NIMBY (Not In My BackYard), I have decided to start the label IMBIB (It Might Be Innocent, But...).

Prime example, I needed to go to the grocery store tonight for some staples. And, as a mom of a toddler and a baby, it was perfectly normal - diapers, baby food, etc.

But the guy in line in front of me was buying only two items. Cat food. Whipped cream.

Now, it might be innocent, but.......

My Image

So there is this really cool face recognition software at MyHeritage. You enter your photo and it tells you what celebrity you look like. Or which parent your child looks more like. It's pretty funny. When I entered our sons, both returned as 50% Mom and 50% Dad. So maybe it is a load of poo poo, but it is still amusing!

Camilla Belle
Lauri Ylonen (in the picture on the left he is all the way to the left)
William Moseley
Mother Teresa (No offence Mama T, but I can't even bring myself to link to a pic)
Kristen Bell
Lalaine
Steve Buscemi
Diego Maradona
Pedro Martinez
Fred Durst

Funny. Might want to mention that I am a white woman of German descent. Just throwin that fact out there. I mean, Pedro Martinez?!

YOUR TURN!

Just Sayin'

When I'm tired, I want someone to pick me up in a soft blanket and snuggle and rock me and sniff me.

Wouldn't that be nice?

All Day Long...

It's the same thing....

"[Insert Toddler Name], STOP MESSING WITH THE DOG!"

We have three dogs here. Two are ours and one is a foster since we volunteer for a pet rescue group (if anyone wants a very oversized lap dog and major bed hog, let me know). All the dogs are so good with kids. They adore him.

One is especially obsessed with the toddler and would sleep in bed with him if only he would permit it. He can do no wrong to her. She even lets him ride her.

The other dog that is ours has less patience. They growl at each other - the toddler and the dog. He'll mess with her, she'll growl, he'll growl back, he laughs. Now repeat.

The foster dog was raised with four children. He has this low, "I'm annoyed by you" growl which isn't even remotely serious. But it's enough to tell you to leave him alone. At least if you are a normal person.

Since the toddler and the dogs have an agreement, it wouldn't be nearly as annoying to me as it is if the dogs didn't fart every time they growl. Growl out one end, gas out the other.

So not only do we have to hear the messing by the toddler and the growling by the dogs, we get fumigated out of the room after it happens. It is extremely frustrating. But then I realized, I will always know when the toddler has been annoying the dogs by the smell of the room when I come back in.

Now if only I could get the toddler to not like the smell of dog farts. But then again, this is the kid who likes to keep his poop in his Pull-Up as long as possible.

Things they don't tell you...

There are so many things about parenting that if we told the non-parents, no one would ever want to have kids. I know that may be hard to hear coming from a woman with two children - no insults to my friends struggling with infertility. But seriously, the whole process can just be so completely stressful that it is no wonder why people head for divorce after they have kids.

So here is Post #1 about Things They Don't Tell You....

• You will be dumbed down. While he will deny it, I actually heard my husband tell our toddler tonight, "Plummet means falled." Falled?
• Parenting two youngsters, particularly two young kids with personalities like their parents can be so completely frustrating that you actually look at your spouse and thing, "I never want to have sex again if there is any possibility we will get another of these."
• You treasure your sinus infection because it actually means your husband has to come home so you can go to the doctor by yourself. By yourself!! You feel like utter crap but are tempted to stop at the mall because, again, you are BY YOURSELF!
• Breastfeeding sounds all peaceful and snuggly. Yes, if you can master it, snuggling up with your infant is priceless. But there are times when you just think that you would like your body to be yours. (Although the ability to shoot your husband with your boob from across the room is a nice superpower.)
• Your kids will reflect you in ways you never want to see yourself. For instance, my toddler for the longest time called his shoes and socks simply "shoesocks." One word. Drove me up the wall. He sensed it. Still now every now and then will look at me and say, "Where are my shoesocks." Argh.

I Peed In My Car..... Again

I was driving to my sister-in-law's house two hours away to give my husband a break. He has a chronic illness and requires a lot of rest (see my Christmas post about that lack of rest issue).

Anyway... It's just a two hour drive. It is totally do-able without a stop. Unless I have to pee. But I have an almost 3 year old and a 9 month old. Stopping at a rest stop with the two of them so mommy can pee is just a logistical nightmare. So I pee right before I go and hit the road.

Except that I left at 6:00 at night and needed a large coffee. I planned ahead and bought it on the way home from work, grabbed the kids (I had packed the night before) and hit the road. About 45 minutes into the trip, I have to pee like you would not believe. It's dark outside. Do I stop and pee alongside the road? The baby is asleep and does not travel well at night when it is dark since he wants to see what is going on. If I stop and he wakes up, do I want to hear him scream for the next hour and fifteen minutes?

Then of course there is the issue of the bathroom stall. I have a double stroller. It doesn't always fit in the handicapped stall, so I find myself having to pee with the door open and the stroller outside the stall. Do I want to do this? Everyone will know that I actually sit on the public toilet instead of hovering like you are "supposed" to.

I eye the large coffee cup, now empty. I can fill it. It's a plan. I take off my pants and underwear. I cannot come up with a plan as to how to pee with them on. That large cup will fit delicately under me as I blaze down the highway. I have to take my seatbelt off though to make it all work.

I push up with my left leg to get some space between me and the seat to fit the cup. The cup fits! After a few minutes of trying to convince myself to relax and start peeing, the stream begins. And it continues. And it continues. Oh no. And it continues. I fill the cup and feel dribbles roll down the back of the cup. Quick! Stop peeing! STOP PEEING!

I put the cup in the cup holder... all the while pondering, "Am I so tired that I might forget there is no more coffee in there and drink it by mistake?!"

Fortunately, my father made me put a roll of paper towels in the car when my son had the flu. I whip those out and start sliding paper towels under me. Wads and wads of them. I feel the back of my shirt start to collect the piss.

Now I am sitting without pants on in the car, paper towels under me, no seatbelt on, driving down the highway.

I can see the coroner's report - "She was not wearing her seatbelt and was ejected out the window... and right out of her pants."

I put my seatbelt back on.

Surely it will dry under me in the next hour and fifteen minutes?

But I DID NOT WAKE THE BABY!!

Friday Five... On Sunday

Revgalblogpal Friday Five: New Year's Resolution Edition

Well it had to be didn't it, love them or hate them I bet you've been asked about New Year resolutions. So with no more fuss here is this weeks Friday Five:

1. Do you make New Year resolutions? Not necessarily. I do more of a reflection on my previous year and think about it all - good and bad. Try to be optimistic that I learned something from the bad or grew in some manner.

2. Is this something you take seriously, or is it a bit of fun? Mostly serious. But I do have a sense of humor about my life, so there is some fun in it. If you take a look at my life, it's clear I need to add some fun to it.

3. Share one goal for 2008. Being able to appear in a bikini for my 10th wedding anniversary in May would be a good one - although I am not sure it is the most realistic plan. My real goal though is to be happy and proud of each of my boys as they make their way through life (all 3 of my boys - hubby included). One thing that I reflected on the past week is how my almost 3 year old doesn't need me for a lot of things anymore. While I am sad that my little boy is almost gone in many respects, I want to make sure I find joy in his growth.

4. Money is no barrier, share one wild/ impossible dream for 2008. No debt would be a nice, lofty goal that would change my existence!

5. Someone wants to publish a story of your year in 2008, what will the title of that book be? "Health"

I know, I know....

A ton of people have tagged me and I have not updated about our holiday.

Let's just say it was less than pleasurable.  Tuesday afternoon, I threw our Christmas tree out the front door and it is still laying in the rhodedendrums.   It's a good look.

The toddler had a very bad case of Scarlet Fever.  We thought it was Hand, Foot and Mouth, but I saw a mom of one of his classmates and she told me that her daughter had Scarlet Fever.  Looked it up online (which is what every ER doctor wants to hear when you go to the hospital), and sure enough, it was Scarlet Fever.  

He was a mess.  He went downstairs Christmas morning with daddy and it didn't even register that Santa had been there and there were toys under the tree.  Poor kid.   

The baby had a fever, which I attributed to teething, but then he spiraled into a full-fledged cold.  

And Daddy, who has a chronic condition and should be getting all the sleep he can, was unable to rest fully.  Which brings on major guilt with Mommy.

May 2008 bring us health, plenty of rest, and world peace.