I wish I could get it bigger so it was clear. This is HYSTERICAL!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
The Letter
A meeting was held the other day where one of the topics of discussion was how to deal with conflict between moms when it arises. The final outcome was that everyone believed there should never be anonymous letters. And many are still shocked and stunned that this happened to me. I have felt a lot of love.
Here is the letter that was read at the meeting...
Dear Friends,
I apologize for my inability to attend this meeting. But my son has his school Christmas party and presentation. Since he assures me that he will actually sing, I dare not miss it. I have asked K to read this letter so you can more fully understand this issue which has become so important to me.
I am sure that you are all aware by now that two letters were written complaining about me and handed to S when she was the president of MOMS Club. Those letters were not dealt with and were simply handed over to K when she took leadership. I have no issues with how K or the current board handled the situation nor do I have any issues with MOMS Club in general.
My concern is that there is the ability for members within the club to write anonymous letters complaining about one another. These letters questioned my ability to parent and nitpicked at everything I did or didn’t do over a period of a month and a half. By writing an anonymous letter, all the writer did was make me question every person in the club. I can’t tell you how many nights I woke up and raced to my computer to pull up an Evite, questioning, “Was it her?” I literally have looked over the roster at least a hundred times. It’s not fair to me and it’s certainly not fair to the club in general.
I want it to be clear that I am not the first mom who has had anonymous complaint letters written about her. This has happened in the past. The last mom it happened to chose to leave the club. And I can only assume that this was the intent of the letters written about me. This deeply saddens me. Our club is supposed to be about supporting one another but with all the recent events, we certainly do not need more to divide us. I had to take a step back and evaluate what was important to me and it became clear that so many of you make up that which has become important in my life. As a result, I’m not going anywhere.
We are from various backgrounds and are going to raise our children differently as a result. My desire is to see us respect one another and be able to talk about these differences as they arise.
I hope that my legacy to MOMS Club is that we have a new-found respect for one another. And that we truly are able to support each other.
Much love to all!
Identity Mixed
P.S. Any little boys can come pee in my yard anytime.
Here is the letter that was read at the meeting...
Dear Friends,
I apologize for my inability to attend this meeting. But my son has his school Christmas party and presentation. Since he assures me that he will actually sing, I dare not miss it. I have asked K to read this letter so you can more fully understand this issue which has become so important to me.
I am sure that you are all aware by now that two letters were written complaining about me and handed to S when she was the president of MOMS Club. Those letters were not dealt with and were simply handed over to K when she took leadership. I have no issues with how K or the current board handled the situation nor do I have any issues with MOMS Club in general.
My concern is that there is the ability for members within the club to write anonymous letters complaining about one another. These letters questioned my ability to parent and nitpicked at everything I did or didn’t do over a period of a month and a half. By writing an anonymous letter, all the writer did was make me question every person in the club. I can’t tell you how many nights I woke up and raced to my computer to pull up an Evite, questioning, “Was it her?” I literally have looked over the roster at least a hundred times. It’s not fair to me and it’s certainly not fair to the club in general.
I want it to be clear that I am not the first mom who has had anonymous complaint letters written about her. This has happened in the past. The last mom it happened to chose to leave the club. And I can only assume that this was the intent of the letters written about me. This deeply saddens me. Our club is supposed to be about supporting one another but with all the recent events, we certainly do not need more to divide us. I had to take a step back and evaluate what was important to me and it became clear that so many of you make up that which has become important in my life. As a result, I’m not going anywhere.
We are from various backgrounds and are going to raise our children differently as a result. My desire is to see us respect one another and be able to talk about these differences as they arise.
I hope that my legacy to MOMS Club is that we have a new-found respect for one another. And that we truly are able to support each other.
Much love to all!
Identity Mixed
P.S. Any little boys can come pee in my yard anytime.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Can Moms Really Support Each Other?
This is a letter that some of you have seen before. I sent it to a number of individuals, both those I know in real life and some I have only "met" online to show what has transpired in my life recently. Enjoy!
I belong to a local MOMS Club. MOMS stands for Moms Offering Moms Support. And I have felt that for the most part. But recently, things have come to light that disturb me. This is my open letter to those who took part in the disruption of my life.
There were two “anonymous” letters written to the president of the club. The first stated that she believed my son to be aggressive. Anyone who knows my son knows that this is simply not true. He is empathetic, loving, patient, and kind. Yes, he is a 3 ½ year old boy though. Things are going to happen. But any outburst will be dealt with. And if you don’t think that I am handling my child appropriately, an anonymous letter is not the way to deal with it. How can I truly understand the circumstances of what you consider aggression? You have no clue what goes on in my house, let alone in my heart.
The second letter was beyond absurd. It was literally a list of all the things they feel I have done wrong over the course of a month or two. I will deal with each one individually. I think other women (other moms) need to see how petty people can be.
One issue was that at a local park, I let my son pee behind a bush when there was no bathroom. But the issue was not so much that I let him do it, but that I then talked about it. I remember telling the group of women that we are working on the potty being a private thing. You go behind a tree, a bush, etc. But this mom was offended. Was she concerned that her son was to get ideas? Where else are you to talk about parenting issues such as potty training except at a MOMS Club event.
At another event, which was a craft for Grandparent’s Day, the mom was offended that I let my son eat some of his snack off the floor. I remember looking at her in the eye and saying, “That’s how you build an immune system.” It’s funny. And it is true. There is research that if you constantly use antibacterial soaps and other products on your children, they will be more likely to be sick. But it’s not just that. I am a mom who doesn’t get up in arms over little things. Kids are kids. They will explore. They will eat things off the floor. And, if this letter was written by the person I think wrote it, I have seen her child eat Playdough and boogers. A snack off the floor is no biggie. Plus, as everyone was leaving, we noticed that a child had drawn on the floor with markers. So I mopped the floor. This floor may not be as dirty as you believe it to be. Trust me, it wasn’t the first time I have mopped it.
At another event – Waffle Day – the mom complained that I came and participated but did not bring anything. I didn’t bring anything because I came late. I didn’t sign up to bring anything. I figured we’d get there at the end of it, play for a bit and then go home. When I got there though, other moms said, “Eat!” So we did. This offended her. But she neglected to note that I put all the chairs away and that I cleaned the dishes. She is clearly selective in her offense.
Yet another event was Birdfeeder Day. It was at the same church as Waffle Day and I took my kids to simply play in the nursery. My kids are not craft kids. They’d rather move than sit there and spread peanut butter on a pine cone. So my kids played. And another mom invited me to make a pine cone bird feeder. I made one. But this mother wrote that “yet again” I attended an event where I did not bring anything.
There was then a Programming Committee meeting where I supposedly cursed. Look, no one is perfect. I don’t remember it happening, but if it did, then it did. But to receive a letter well over a month after it happened is a mute point. What does this serve? I have no way of knowing what it was. Some people are offended by “crap” while others aren’t offended until you reach “fuck” or “shit.” Which was it? And I don’t want to curse in front of my own children. So if I said anything in front of kids, tell me THEN. A letter now serves absolutely no purpose.
I am deeply deeply offended that someone I thought was a friend would take the time to tally up all the times that I offended them and submit it in an “anonymous” letter to the MOMS Club. And I am also offended by how the President of MOMS Club handled it. I was recently told that I will not be spoken to “while you continue to be so off base.” So she’ll talk to me after I guess correctly” How does this make any sense?
I’m truly trying to understand your motivation, but just don’t get it. Were you trying to get me to change? Because that’s not going to happen. Were you trying to offend me? Worked. Were you just trying to get something off your chest? I hope you understand how many people’s feelings you damaged in the process.
Moms Offering Moms Support. So where were you when my tumor was removed from my back? Where were you when I had to drive 45 minutes away to see a pain specialist? Or when I had to drive an hour and a half to visit a neurologist? Where were you when my husband was ill for 6 months and I was acting like a single parent? You are so focused on me not bring butter to waffle day, that you truly forgot how to support another mother.
I have opened my home, the doors to my sanctuary, to the club. I have taken meals, attended events far away, never once missed a visitation to the nursing home, served on committees and offered my heart to the moms of the club. It’s time to close the doors. I need to step back. See who my real friends are. The friends who like ME and support ME. The friends who don’t make me cry. The friends who don’t cause my children to ask, “Mommy, why are you so sad?”
So to all the other moms out there – support each other. Stand tall and look out for each other. It’s a hard world to raise our children in. The last thing we need is for mothers to be enemies of each other. Support each other. Love your children. And take the notebook out of your car where you tally up all the things your fellow moms did or didn’t do.
Let’s just get back to being moms.
I belong to a local MOMS Club. MOMS stands for Moms Offering Moms Support. And I have felt that for the most part. But recently, things have come to light that disturb me. This is my open letter to those who took part in the disruption of my life.
There were two “anonymous” letters written to the president of the club. The first stated that she believed my son to be aggressive. Anyone who knows my son knows that this is simply not true. He is empathetic, loving, patient, and kind. Yes, he is a 3 ½ year old boy though. Things are going to happen. But any outburst will be dealt with. And if you don’t think that I am handling my child appropriately, an anonymous letter is not the way to deal with it. How can I truly understand the circumstances of what you consider aggression? You have no clue what goes on in my house, let alone in my heart.
The second letter was beyond absurd. It was literally a list of all the things they feel I have done wrong over the course of a month or two. I will deal with each one individually. I think other women (other moms) need to see how petty people can be.
One issue was that at a local park, I let my son pee behind a bush when there was no bathroom. But the issue was not so much that I let him do it, but that I then talked about it. I remember telling the group of women that we are working on the potty being a private thing. You go behind a tree, a bush, etc. But this mom was offended. Was she concerned that her son was to get ideas? Where else are you to talk about parenting issues such as potty training except at a MOMS Club event.
At another event, which was a craft for Grandparent’s Day, the mom was offended that I let my son eat some of his snack off the floor. I remember looking at her in the eye and saying, “That’s how you build an immune system.” It’s funny. And it is true. There is research that if you constantly use antibacterial soaps and other products on your children, they will be more likely to be sick. But it’s not just that. I am a mom who doesn’t get up in arms over little things. Kids are kids. They will explore. They will eat things off the floor. And, if this letter was written by the person I think wrote it, I have seen her child eat Playdough and boogers. A snack off the floor is no biggie. Plus, as everyone was leaving, we noticed that a child had drawn on the floor with markers. So I mopped the floor. This floor may not be as dirty as you believe it to be. Trust me, it wasn’t the first time I have mopped it.
At another event – Waffle Day – the mom complained that I came and participated but did not bring anything. I didn’t bring anything because I came late. I didn’t sign up to bring anything. I figured we’d get there at the end of it, play for a bit and then go home. When I got there though, other moms said, “Eat!” So we did. This offended her. But she neglected to note that I put all the chairs away and that I cleaned the dishes. She is clearly selective in her offense.
Yet another event was Birdfeeder Day. It was at the same church as Waffle Day and I took my kids to simply play in the nursery. My kids are not craft kids. They’d rather move than sit there and spread peanut butter on a pine cone. So my kids played. And another mom invited me to make a pine cone bird feeder. I made one. But this mother wrote that “yet again” I attended an event where I did not bring anything.
There was then a Programming Committee meeting where I supposedly cursed. Look, no one is perfect. I don’t remember it happening, but if it did, then it did. But to receive a letter well over a month after it happened is a mute point. What does this serve? I have no way of knowing what it was. Some people are offended by “crap” while others aren’t offended until you reach “fuck” or “shit.” Which was it? And I don’t want to curse in front of my own children. So if I said anything in front of kids, tell me THEN. A letter now serves absolutely no purpose.
I am deeply deeply offended that someone I thought was a friend would take the time to tally up all the times that I offended them and submit it in an “anonymous” letter to the MOMS Club. And I am also offended by how the President of MOMS Club handled it. I was recently told that I will not be spoken to “while you continue to be so off base.” So she’ll talk to me after I guess correctly” How does this make any sense?
I’m truly trying to understand your motivation, but just don’t get it. Were you trying to get me to change? Because that’s not going to happen. Were you trying to offend me? Worked. Were you just trying to get something off your chest? I hope you understand how many people’s feelings you damaged in the process.
Moms Offering Moms Support. So where were you when my tumor was removed from my back? Where were you when I had to drive 45 minutes away to see a pain specialist? Or when I had to drive an hour and a half to visit a neurologist? Where were you when my husband was ill for 6 months and I was acting like a single parent? You are so focused on me not bring butter to waffle day, that you truly forgot how to support another mother.
I have opened my home, the doors to my sanctuary, to the club. I have taken meals, attended events far away, never once missed a visitation to the nursing home, served on committees and offered my heart to the moms of the club. It’s time to close the doors. I need to step back. See who my real friends are. The friends who like ME and support ME. The friends who don’t make me cry. The friends who don’t cause my children to ask, “Mommy, why are you so sad?”
So to all the other moms out there – support each other. Stand tall and look out for each other. It’s a hard world to raise our children in. The last thing we need is for mothers to be enemies of each other. Support each other. Love your children. And take the notebook out of your car where you tally up all the things your fellow moms did or didn’t do.
Let’s just get back to being moms.
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