Have you ever noticed how when you meet someone for the first time, after you exchange names, they want to know what you do? This is always a tough one for me. I suppose it is a tough one for any stay at home parent. You feel that you have to justify what you don't do for some reason.
It's especially hard for me because I do so much. I am a stay at home mom in that I'm here when my husband is at work. But I work a few hours a week as a behavior specialist with other children. So when I'm not parenting my own, I'm off parenting other people's kids. Plus, I teach with an online university. I'm not the primary breadwinner in our family (although I once was), and for some reason something about this bothers me. But it would also bother me if I wasn't here with my kids and they were in day care. Why are we never satisfied?
My prior jobs have included: youth pastor, mall security job, camp counselor, administrative assistant, shoe salesperson, manager at a men's clothing store, executive secretary, fast food employee .... None of these have I ever truly identified myself with 100%. But it seems when you are a lawyer, police officer, or pastor, you are always that - even when you are "off duty. " It's the same with being a parent.
So how do I answer that question when I have so many hats in the air? It depends on who is asking. I guess in many ways I am fortunate that I can pick and choose the answer that works for me at that particular time.
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4 comments:
It's a shame that folks still don't get this. You speak of it well.
I recently teased out a thread that ties many of my hats together...or maybe a better analogy would be a thread that links all the beads? I felt better once I found a bit of underlying connectivity (but I'll admit it took until almost 50...)
I like this. And I have learned not to ask: what do you do? or what do you do for money?
but rather, "what do you like to do when you are not (here doing whatever we are doing while having the conversation)? It's much less reductive and you get much better answers. And then if they've just been laid off or something, you don't fall into the Deep Dark Well of Conversational Doom.
I know for me my whole life (for better or worse) revolves around "What I do" - I'm a teacher and I think it's the greatest thing ever. Around here when I ask people what they do and the shrug and say "computer stuff...I don't like to talk about work..." I find it so hard to believe that they would do something day in and day out all day that they don't want to discuss - a job that pays the bills but that doesn't empassion them. You may have a million different hats and a million different jobs but it sounds like they all make you happy - you could just day "I'm happliy employed" and leave it at that! :)
Oh and not working outside the home to raise your kids is the best gift you can give them! :)
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