The boys are now 4 and 2 and I am just amazed at how every day gets easier. Not only have I settled into the role of "mother" officially... yes, after nearly 5 years, but they are aging and maturing at a rapid pace. I can finally use logic with both of them and it creates less temper tantrums - all around.
I went away for a night once this summer. It was the first time I had ever been away from EPT and only the second time I was away from BL. The last time I was away from BL, I drove 7 hours to take my National Boards, so I had other things to focus on. This time, it was a deliberate time away from them for me to relax, recompose, and help a friend in time of trial. That was July (ish?) and, now even 3 months later, I feel rested.
Proof positive that Mommy needs to step away at least once a year. Considering a weekend at Kripalu. Anyone been there?
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Is the Blood Enough?
I faced my first real challenge today since going gluten free (and truly deciding I mustn't cheat). Communion!
It was half-way through the sermon when I looked at the bulletin to see what was next. And that's when it struck me. Crap! Body! Bread! What do I do?
I pondered it for the next few minutes. The whole process was interesting. Since I'm Presbyterian, communion isn't something that happens every week. So this was my first true test. Do I take it because of the symbolism and worry then about how will it impact my body? How will I just take the cup and not the bread? Hmmm.....
What would you have done?
It was half-way through the sermon when I looked at the bulletin to see what was next. And that's when it struck me. Crap! Body! Bread! What do I do?
I pondered it for the next few minutes. The whole process was interesting. Since I'm Presbyterian, communion isn't something that happens every week. So this was my first true test. Do I take it because of the symbolism and worry then about how will it impact my body? How will I just take the cup and not the bread? Hmmm.....
What would you have done?
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Siesta.... Possibly over
I took a little break from blogging because some interesting, hurtful, and odd things happened to me this past fall.
First of all, someone mistook some things I had said in by blog as being about her. It was hard on me that she thought I would vent in that way about her, but also that I would take such a passive-aggressive stance. This is a family member who I had given my blog info to. So not only would I not post complaints about her here, she is the type of person I always felt I could openly communicate with. So it hurt me that she interpretted it this way. And since she and I deal with conflict in completely different manners, it snowballed a little more than it needed to.
I, quite simply, needed to step away. I don't ever want to hurt anyone. And if that ever happens as a result of my blog, I need to back off and reassess. No matter how anonymous you try to be, it never quite works. The more mysterious you make the posts, the more it could be that you are venting about anyone. And to give a loved one opportunity to believe that you are complaining about them is just not fair.
The other thing that happened is that a group of women I was friends with wrote an "anonymous" letter to the president of my local MOMS Club complaining about some things I had done. Within a week's time I pretty much felt the slam from both sides of what an anonymous bitch session can do to the self esteem.
This was a group of women who I truly considered my friends. But over the course of a month and a half, they wrote down every playdate I attended and every thing I did that they deemed "unacceptable." Of course, in context, I was able to see exactly who the people were. The hard part is that we had been through this before. One of the same women had written another letter about another member of the MOMS Club. She left. I don't have that personality. I stayed and fought. They denied, left and formed their own club - which now is "courting" the mom who had the other letter written about her.
I have always had a hard time with women. I grew up in a house of men. All brothers, all male cousins. I had very few female playmates growing up, and those I did have were extreme tomboys. So I don't know what to do when the petty girl stuff arises, as did with the MOMS Club issue. I'm a Let's-Arm-Wrestle-To-Figure-It-Out kinda gal. If there is a problem, let's address it and fix it immediately. The emotions of friendships are really new to me. So it's been a struggle. And I've had to deal with closing myself off for a while to grasp it all.
The good news is that I have now twice been with the family member who was offended by my blog. I think that we understand each other a lot better now. I'll always be a little more guarded than I was. But it's not because of the issue we had. It's that I'm far more nervous around women now.
The other good news is that I was nominated for a number of positions within my local MOMS Club. People do have faith in me and I think that those who stayed realize that there must be something within me that is stronger than we all thought.
So... how can I deal with female friends better? Any advice?
First of all, someone mistook some things I had said in by blog as being about her. It was hard on me that she thought I would vent in that way about her, but also that I would take such a passive-aggressive stance. This is a family member who I had given my blog info to. So not only would I not post complaints about her here, she is the type of person I always felt I could openly communicate with. So it hurt me that she interpretted it this way. And since she and I deal with conflict in completely different manners, it snowballed a little more than it needed to.
I, quite simply, needed to step away. I don't ever want to hurt anyone. And if that ever happens as a result of my blog, I need to back off and reassess. No matter how anonymous you try to be, it never quite works. The more mysterious you make the posts, the more it could be that you are venting about anyone. And to give a loved one opportunity to believe that you are complaining about them is just not fair.
The other thing that happened is that a group of women I was friends with wrote an "anonymous" letter to the president of my local MOMS Club complaining about some things I had done. Within a week's time I pretty much felt the slam from both sides of what an anonymous bitch session can do to the self esteem.
This was a group of women who I truly considered my friends. But over the course of a month and a half, they wrote down every playdate I attended and every thing I did that they deemed "unacceptable." Of course, in context, I was able to see exactly who the people were. The hard part is that we had been through this before. One of the same women had written another letter about another member of the MOMS Club. She left. I don't have that personality. I stayed and fought. They denied, left and formed their own club - which now is "courting" the mom who had the other letter written about her.
I have always had a hard time with women. I grew up in a house of men. All brothers, all male cousins. I had very few female playmates growing up, and those I did have were extreme tomboys. So I don't know what to do when the petty girl stuff arises, as did with the MOMS Club issue. I'm a Let's-Arm-Wrestle-To-Figure-It-Out kinda gal. If there is a problem, let's address it and fix it immediately. The emotions of friendships are really new to me. So it's been a struggle. And I've had to deal with closing myself off for a while to grasp it all.
The good news is that I have now twice been with the family member who was offended by my blog. I think that we understand each other a lot better now. I'll always be a little more guarded than I was. But it's not because of the issue we had. It's that I'm far more nervous around women now.
The other good news is that I was nominated for a number of positions within my local MOMS Club. People do have faith in me and I think that those who stayed realize that there must be something within me that is stronger than we all thought.
So... how can I deal with female friends better? Any advice?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
painting = pondering
I am taking a break from painting my son's room to blog since being in a room by myself painting seems to bring out the ponderer in me. Ponderer? Surely that's a word.
I was trying to think of some things that have made me happy in the past few days and was pretty surprised when it was easy. So much of our lives seems to be focused on negativity. Why? Even people's Facebook status updates are depressing. Complaining about the long day, the weather, the husband, the dishes.... It gets old. In the past few days I have tried to be deliberately positive. And was fortunate to find out it was easy!
So what has brought me joy? One thing is that my mother is here helping with my kids this weekend while the hubby is away. My mother? Bring me joy? If I reflect on our relationship, it hasn't all been rosey. In fact, there was a major period of my life where I didn't speak to my parents. So seeing them now interact with my kids is joyful. She and I both had to change and adapt in order for my children to be in her life. And I was perfectly willing to do that. So was she, which, in turn, brings me joy!
She has told me now and then that she is working on being a better grandparent than she ever was a parent. How amazing is that. Not only for her to acknowledge that our childhood was flawed (to say the least), but to be deliberate about her relationship with my children. I'm impressed.
She also told me a few weeks ago that you know you love your children. And when you have them, you think there is no stronger love. But then you have grandchildren. So to watch her with them is exciting for me. Not only to see the role she has with them, but to think of my grandchildren. My precious little boys who I adore more than anything will some day produce grandchildren for me that I will have the capacity to love more than my own children? Phenomenal.
Another fun thing is listening to the little conversations my sons have with their grandma. My oldest told Grandma today that a friend of ours lives in a "fun house." This friend does not have children, so I loved this. He doesn't love her house for her stuff, for her toys or any material objects. He loves her house for her, for the fun we have together, for the memories. He's only four. And I'm so proud.
Cool stuff. And now back to painting...
I was trying to think of some things that have made me happy in the past few days and was pretty surprised when it was easy. So much of our lives seems to be focused on negativity. Why? Even people's Facebook status updates are depressing. Complaining about the long day, the weather, the husband, the dishes.... It gets old. In the past few days I have tried to be deliberately positive. And was fortunate to find out it was easy!
So what has brought me joy? One thing is that my mother is here helping with my kids this weekend while the hubby is away. My mother? Bring me joy? If I reflect on our relationship, it hasn't all been rosey. In fact, there was a major period of my life where I didn't speak to my parents. So seeing them now interact with my kids is joyful. She and I both had to change and adapt in order for my children to be in her life. And I was perfectly willing to do that. So was she, which, in turn, brings me joy!
She has told me now and then that she is working on being a better grandparent than she ever was a parent. How amazing is that. Not only for her to acknowledge that our childhood was flawed (to say the least), but to be deliberate about her relationship with my children. I'm impressed.
She also told me a few weeks ago that you know you love your children. And when you have them, you think there is no stronger love. But then you have grandchildren. So to watch her with them is exciting for me. Not only to see the role she has with them, but to think of my grandchildren. My precious little boys who I adore more than anything will some day produce grandchildren for me that I will have the capacity to love more than my own children? Phenomenal.
Another fun thing is listening to the little conversations my sons have with their grandma. My oldest told Grandma today that a friend of ours lives in a "fun house." This friend does not have children, so I loved this. He doesn't love her house for her stuff, for her toys or any material objects. He loves her house for her, for the fun we have together, for the memories. He's only four. And I'm so proud.
Cool stuff. And now back to painting...
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Facebook.... Seriously!
Recently, I removed someone from my friends list on Facebook. She immediately sent me an email complaining about how in one click, I had negated a friendship of 2 1/2 years.
Honestly, I was just sick of reading stuff I didn't agree with. It had nothing to do with her specifically. But, now I am starting to wonder. If it bothered her that much, is she someone I wouldn't want to be around anyway?
Honestly, I was just sick of reading stuff I didn't agree with. It had nothing to do with her specifically. But, now I am starting to wonder. If it bothered her that much, is she someone I wouldn't want to be around anyway?
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Little Conversations
I love the conversations I have with my little men. For the most part, my littlest man just nods at me, which is so freakin adorable. But my Big Love turned 4 recently and has really given some gems. So here are two favorites:
When he got a haircut and I told him he looked older, he responded, "Can I go to college now?" NO!
We were going to visit his friend Luc. On the way he said, "Um, what's Luc's big girl's name?" I said, "Do you mean his mommy?" He said, "Yea." I said, "You can call her Miss Kelly." Big girl?
When he got a haircut and I told him he looked older, he responded, "Can I go to college now?" NO!
We were going to visit his friend Luc. On the way he said, "Um, what's Luc's big girl's name?" I said, "Do you mean his mommy?" He said, "Yea." I said, "You can call her Miss Kelly." Big girl?
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