How to Lose A Friend In One Email

Excerpt from an actual email...

I look forward to a FINAL year of seminary and for that I honestly ask you for your help. The scholarship I had last year is gone - it was given by a private donor who actually backed out last September. My school year last year was paid for by (Random Church) which is something that doesn't even happen for students from the sponsoring denomination! I ask for your help because of your support in the past. I have no idea how to pay for the final year of seminary. I ask because scriptures tell us to ask for what we need and I believe I am called to finish this task! XYZ Seminary only (in comparison to other graduate degrees I say only) costs $8,136 dollars or $2,712 per quarter. I am specifically asking for you to pray that God would provide this and/or help me by being that provision. I AM NOT tax deductible. If you feel like contributing financially it would be gift.

Again, I throw this out to you because scripture says to make your needs known. For some reason, God has us in .... I know I am called to finish seminary and I know I am called to stay here until HE sends us elsewhere. PLEASE keep us in your prayers, PLEASE keep in contact with us - telling us about your life, and PLEASE thank God for miracles like safety in wrecks, safety at camp, salvation through Jesus Christ...

Ok. Where do I start? We went to a small Christian college and we met this friend there. Since then, he has made most of his cash through the financial support of others. Now, my main problem with this organization that he worked with previously is rooted deeply in the attitudes of those who "worked" with that group while I was in college. I vividly remember being told by a member of this group that she chose to work with college students because she had been a biology major and she didn't know what else to do with her life. So she became a "minister" to college students. Alright.

So many of our college friends went on to join this group, where they are asked to raise half of their salaries. I am sure that deep in the Bible is some random verse where this idea came from. But I was raised with that fabulous blue collar work ethic where you get money because you did something, not because you asked for it. My husband and I stopped receiving requests for money very early on after college life. Perhaps because hubby was in seminary and I was working a full time job to support us? You know...the old fashioned way.

We lived in married student housing, slept on a hand me down bed and mattress, had a matching living room set that was bought in 1973 and drove a car that was 15 years old. The joke was that we should be handed food stamps when we are given our apartment keys. It wasn't easy. Some months were month to month. I vividly remember walking by the canal in Princeton crying my eyes out because my husband was in an accident, our car was totaled and we had no clue how we were going to go on financially since we owed more on our car than it was worth. Isn't that what grad school is all about?!

This email was forwarded to me by a college friend who also put himself through grad school the old fashioned way and has loans to prove it. We are now 33. Has this friend seriously been surviving the last 12 years off other people's money?

It all goes back to my post on prayer. If you have a problem, seek to solve it. If you are not actively working to improve your situation, the God I believe in isn't going to strike your checking account with an extra $8,000 for your seminary tuition. If their email had included a section where we were asked to pray for his wife's job search or his part time job search, then I would feel differently. But alas that was not there.

What does this attitude teach? That if you don't pray hard enough, people don't write checks and therefore you don't go to seminary? If God really wants you there, perhaps you should work hard to get it done.

So pray for world peace...

Prayer

One of the things that has always annoyed me is when someone says, "I'm praying for you." I wonder if the person really is praying for me or if they're just saying that. My mother in law says it all the time and it drives me NUTS!

There was one girl in college whose answer to everything was, "Did you pray about it?" My senior year, I just had enough of that. So in the middle of the dining hall, I stood up and screamed, "I prayed about my paper, but Jesus is not in my room writing it. Sometimes prayer is NOT the answer." I then stormed out. I half expected a standing ovation because I know a lot of people felt the same way, but no one said a word. The best part of my outburst though was that the next 5 months of school, she didn't talk to me at all. Whew. Should have said that to her earlier!

Now, I'm not against prayer. Don't get me wrong. Had this girl said, "Have you prayed for patience?" or something similar, it would have made perfect sense. But to pray for my assignment? Ridiculous. We are called to action. My friends make fun of me now because I still note that I have prayed for world hunger, but it's still there. So people will say to me, "I'm praying for you... and world hunger." If you're praying for something solely and not doing something to better the situation then you're not really praying. Prayer to me involves action.

I also have issues praying for healing. What if God's plan is not for us to heal from a major illness. My husband's grandmother had ALS. She was dying but my mother in law kept saying she was praying for a miracle. Why? Maybe God is trying to teach us about grace in our final days - which is something that Gam was able to teach me. If you pray for healing and it doesn't happen, then what have you learned? That God doesn't listen to your prayer? My prayers always disclose the fine print -

God... if you do not want healing for this person/situation, then give us the grace to deal with whatever it is you want us to learn and open our ears, eyes and hearts so we have some sort of clue about what the heck you are doing.