Siesta.... Possibly over

I took a little break from blogging because some interesting, hurtful, and odd things happened to me this past fall.

First of all, someone mistook some things I had said in by blog as being about her. It was hard on me that she thought I would vent in that way about her, but also that I would take such a passive-aggressive stance. This is a family member who I had given my blog info to. So not only would I not post complaints about her here, she is the type of person I always felt I could openly communicate with. So it hurt me that she interpretted it this way. And since she and I deal with conflict in completely different manners, it snowballed a little more than it needed to.

I, quite simply, needed to step away. I don't ever want to hurt anyone. And if that ever happens as a result of my blog, I need to back off and reassess. No matter how anonymous you try to be, it never quite works. The more mysterious you make the posts, the more it could be that you are venting about anyone. And to give a loved one opportunity to believe that you are complaining about them is just not fair.

The other thing that happened is that a group of women I was friends with wrote an "anonymous" letter to the president of my local MOMS Club complaining about some things I had done. Within a week's time I pretty much felt the slam from both sides of what an anonymous bitch session can do to the self esteem.

This was a group of women who I truly considered my friends. But over the course of a month and a half, they wrote down every playdate I attended and every thing I did that they deemed "unacceptable." Of course, in context, I was able to see exactly who the people were. The hard part is that we had been through this before. One of the same women had written another letter about another member of the MOMS Club. She left. I don't have that personality. I stayed and fought. They denied, left and formed their own club - which now is "courting" the mom who had the other letter written about her.

I have always had a hard time with women. I grew up in a house of men. All brothers, all male cousins. I had very few female playmates growing up, and those I did have were extreme tomboys. So I don't know what to do when the petty girl stuff arises, as did with the MOMS Club issue. I'm a Let's-Arm-Wrestle-To-Figure-It-Out kinda gal. If there is a problem, let's address it and fix it immediately. The emotions of friendships are really new to me. So it's been a struggle. And I've had to deal with closing myself off for a while to grasp it all.

The good news is that I have now twice been with the family member who was offended by my blog. I think that we understand each other a lot better now. I'll always be a little more guarded than I was. But it's not because of the issue we had. It's that I'm far more nervous around women now.

The other good news is that I was nominated for a number of positions within my local MOMS Club. People do have faith in me and I think that those who stayed realize that there must be something within me that is stronger than we all thought.

So... how can I deal with female friends better? Any advice?